poem era

lilyy

I'm falling
into space ...
Everything is dark
but I look around
and my face is
lit
by the stars
that twinkle
and sparkle
and burn ..
I float by them
However
I can't tell if
I'm flying
or
If i"m slowly ..
d ..
r ..
o ..
p ..
p ..
i ..
n ..
g ..
into mists
of eternity ..
Climbing on a ladder
of nothing
My success
is
of my own
only ..
not completely
because
the stars
claimed by
my will
were and
are created
by
my own
creator
so sitting
on the moon
is I
and
I float
in a
hemisphere
of
love & compassion
Sitting on the moon
is I
(Yes, and)
Looking at the world
is I
(But)
Wanting to be a
part
of it
is not I
(For)
I AM
is who
makes satisfaction
with nothing
ever so desirable
and takes the
pleasure out of
those with value
so .. so ..
.. it be .

lilyy

Sitting in the castle
gazing out the window
at the endless sea
counting the steps
it takes for you
to come to me

Will you sit down
beside my tender body
and look into my eyes?
Countless times
i"ve waited
For the moment
of you and I
to be here
Sitting with each other
staring at the same sky

The moon reflects
my steady pupils
with your apathetic eyes

lilyy

My thoughts tire ..
            and they fall..

                           .. to sleep

              .. and they sit there

     ..and wait

for coffee..
         wait for something new ..

                                 .. for it to be alive

                         ..not ugly

             .. not unkind

      ..not disturbing

..just plain

and simple ..
.. creating friction

           .. between

.. ignorance

.. but always coming back to ..
                            bliss

lilyy

I want

many things & many more

but I swallow my desires

and make the best of

life

is more than what it seems

looking for deeper meanings

to extract the truth

to make

sense of things

but as I get closer to the truth

nothing ever really makes

sense

.. to me

lilyy

Stained pavements
leading down the hill
Construction
on one end
and
the other
Thoughts of falling back
to take the
high road
or
no road
Signs of directions
remain false for fault of the wind
However
an internal compass
takes hold
and my forgotten instincts
become alive again
& my soul
no longer
wanders aimlessly
through the street
For these
stained pavements
remain in the winter
and
this winter
remains in my heart
and
my heart
remains slowly on the
stained pavement ..

lilyy

seeking something i know not what
and trying to leave i know not what
behind ..

Cause' i'm spinnig in circles trying to understand all
this
and i climb for freedom
i'm climbing towards something
that has no substance ...
and i'm trusting God that he'll lead me
that he'll hold me
when i fall ..
but the only person who will look at me
when i have dirt on my face
is the one i hide from

in medical terms ..
i'm sick ..
sick of the hatred
a small hole that eats at my heart .
all the lies , broken promises , and hate
combine into a knot
and it rests in my heart
and every time my heart beats
and beats
and beats
this knot grows
and grows
and grows
and it flows through veins
and pumps through my blood stream
until i'm shriveled up into
this ball of knots
or will the day come
that i will just explode?

what if i end the growing
of this anxiety
because i am dead
with this "thing" alive inside in me
and it'll just mean that
i won't have to reveal the truth by
myself ..

maybe if i just turn away
so that your faces aren't
in my presence
if i just twinge and
hide away
this knot will fade ..

what if i could
rip my body apart
and reveal the true blood
that circles in me
the blood you gave me ..

i think if i just
pretend
if i just forget that
nothing actually happened
and if i plaster this face on
say words that just please you
and if i smile and laugh
to the point where i am high off of this drugg
called misconception

or i could just scream every single thought
and call it poison ..
treason
crime
and beauty
so lovely
cause the truth is what you wanted
or was it what i wanted
cause this started out about me
and it ended up to you ..

this knot that you control ..

why ..

seeking something i know not what
and trying to leave i know not what
behind ..
i leave behind something i know not what
at the price of hiding this knot ..
and i seek something i know not what for strength to reveal this knot .

lilyy

In my hallways
there are always
points ..
of which ways I'll go
and those you follow
Cause you see
my class is here
but yours is there
and you follow me
here
and I walk with you
there
and the classes
we were meant to be in
remain ..
to be
the same ..
In my hallways
there are always
whispers and glares
and talk of going
all .. the .. way ..
but to what?
Satisfaction that's only
temporary
a story of a guy
who lets her carry
the weight of
anxiety, depression, and
denied love to an
unborn child
who grows up to be
twenty fcukin years old
with thought so meek & mild
In my hallways
there are always
papers and books
textbooks and pencils
fliers on the wall
that all say
things I have to do
places I need to go
.. only points that are not
of my belonging .
Cause' I remain Here
and you stay everywhere .
But no matter what
I run these
hallways
and my thoughts are
always
of me going all .. the .. way ..
.. to the end .

lilyy

Stepping out of
my room
wearily walking
to the kitchen
I grab a carton
of milk
and a piece of pizza
because everything tastes better
after midnight
and I step outside
I sit on the steps
and I stare
at the sky
One star shines above
none
But only do I realize
It's a satellite
Where are my stars?

lilyy

A rock tossed
into a pond
manipulating
(( currents &
.. waves ))
A stone thrown
into the pond
creating
+ pulses &
.. beats +

lilyy

I thought I heard you calling
I was so confused
Cause' you weren't calling
me by my name
And you thought while I was
stalling
You were so confused
Cause' the game you thought
we were playing weren't
the same ..

lilyy

I saw true love die today ..
I saw it burn to death
over the course of time ..
I watched it suffocate
& cry & plead for help
But I sat there
and just watched
the smoke now fills
my lungs
I'm intoxicated
with love
And I just sat there
and watched ..
Did I try to help.?.
No .
Dollar here ..
.. dollar there
Dollar everywhere ..
Burned .
As true love died
The scent of burnt money
rises in the air
the ashes fill my lungs
I'm intoxicated with the poverty
And I just sat there
and watched ..
I sat there
and watched .
Someone called my name
from the corner
I heard it from the corner ..
However the voice was coming
from the center of the ceiling
but I heard it from the corner
And I sat there
and let the voice fill my lungs
I'm intoxicated with the lies ..
And I just sat there
and watched .
I sat there
and watched .
My face
dark from the ash & smoke
My ears ringing from the sound
My body numb from sitting
so long ..
I hold my breath and count
the seconds until I forget
that I saw
true love die today
I saw ..
true love ..
die ..
today ..

lilyy

My mom combed
my hair
when it was dry
And all I did
was sit there
and cry
My mom would handle it patiently
and just sigh
Today I reminisce
those moments
and I realize why ..

lilyy

A glare
waits in the corner
for me
I let it sit
^there
and ignore
and wait ..
for d.u.s.t ..
I let the works of a sPiDeR
take place on
that
~~_glare~~ ^glare
As the shadow
hovers on
that
~~_glare~~ ^glare
The sunlight always
reaches
my face

lilyy

{freewrite}

FACTS:
A bird flies south
for the winter
A birdy stays in its nest
Waiting for its mother

EVOLUTION:
A bird swims north
for the summer
A birdy matures quickly
while waiting is its mother

REVOLUTION:
A bird flies south
for the summer
A birdy matures quickly
waiting for its mother

THEORY:
It's okay to be different ..

EVIDENCE:
No law of nature can change abnormality
because if "normal" wasn't evolved ..
we'd all be "single-celled organisms"

CONCLUSION:
normality is now officially extinct.

lilyy

I'm so tired
I wanna' go to sleep
The eyelashes fall
But who am I to keep -

This slumber?
Awakens my imaginations
creeping to dreams
Fantasy drills such sensations

To what extent
will this subtlety rise?
for my mind no longer takes
The moon shining in disguise

I want to sleep
I want to dream
more than life offers
"mistakes I can redeem"

so I sleep
so I dream
now I have more than life offers
I have mistakes I can redeem

And as this illusion
of nocturnal satisfaction
pleases & feeds my nightmare
will never fall
asleep ..

permanently ..
will my eyes stay open
to dreams
just being dreams ..

lilyy

My personal thoughts
being sized down
to your likes
restraining my personality
for your appreciation
I can't define your worth
I'm not God
I can't judge you
But I'm not stupid
(you see) I thought if I was
creative with my words or
made myself "sound" smarter
You'd feel respected
(but no .)
To say what I want to say
like this
You can't judge me either
I write solely for the purpose
of being heard
Maybe not by you
even though you're the reason
why I write
The reason why
I choose to do what I do
act the way I do
write the way I do
and speak the way I do
(so what's that?) <-
Are you still making me <- still needs work .
feel inferior to who I am?! <-
You invite others in so softly ,
generously , kindly
yet with me?
You stop me before I can finish
and critique me in every aspect
I don't always speak big words
I don't always make sense
and I don't always voice my thoughts
and opinions when I have them
Yet you look down on me
And still I look up to you
No longer will I place my
insecurities on your shoulders
Cause' if I said I was willing
I'd want you to be willing too
My words are me
and even though I don't
write like him or her
I live for more than
the moment
My poetry is me in every
way
You are poetry
You inspire me to be who I am
and still more
You were here when I started
and will be there when I end
So even though I created you
YOU created
me ..

lilyy

Stripped & exposed entirely
My thoughts & feelings
are held in your hands

Vulnerable to your quality of opinion
Your mind captivates me
completely ..

My thoughts & actions
are processed through
your facts

My heart bows down to you
As you watch observantly
pouncing to every fine detail

Let go of the leash you
know you hold ..
for I grow weary
of rebellion & constraint

A flower I thought
was withering
all of a sudden has the
roots of a tree

Can the fire I hear in your heart
show through your apathetic eyes?
cause' I'm longing for the passion
I know dwells in you

I'm almost alive in your voice
& somehow I assumed that
was where I lived
The book I thought I read
now remains a mystery
.. only to me

Someday all the answers
you thought you knew
will be questions in the wind ..

lilyy

Words on paper
Slowly churning and twisting
unfolding ..
to be more than
what is expected
to the idea of
that solution

The paper blows
steady in the wind
Growing & growing
faster & faster

Again paper under words
slowly unfolding twisting and churning
while educating
the lesser half
of the uncompleted
whole truth

Round & round
the wind turns
Growing & growing
faster & faster

The paper & the words
combined to be more
But in comparison to
NONE
with a reputation of what
it makes it out to be

They make or break the wind
Either way its always
Growing & growing
faster & faster ..

lilyy

If I could hold you in my arms one last time. Could I mold your thoughts in my hands? Maybe I could shape your feelings to feel the way I do. How would you feel if I might expose my honest feelings to you again? Maybe I should, but that would only put you behind a mental prison. But why should I be held in a psychological prison while you're free to roam your thoughts. While I'm fed the same thoughts of you every day. So will you hold me physically this one last time, for I hold you in my thoughts last time, this time, and next time.

lilyy

Hearing what you say. Listen to what I tell you. The moon only shines in the darkest hours, at times in the light but little by little, it departs from the Earth. It still does its job but maintains its pace in departure. So if you've noticed any similarities with the moon and your current situation, remind me delicately why you treat me so.

lilyy

Sulkily reigning over the easily weak
But spotted off afar
lies the tree of youth
Unmoved by all attempts
of superiority except
nature itself
As it teases the one in reign
Affections are dispersed
to the flames
The options that were
considered impossible
or unthought of
remain the sole of the fury

lilyy

So shallow
are the words
that slip from your mouth

You say words
that you don't mean
what are you
hiding from?

Putting the blame
on me
holding grudges
that aren't really there

So I guess this is goodbye
but not really
cause' we'll still see each other
for a glimpse in our dreams

lilyy

If a dream faltered
Could it be renewed?
As if the wishes of the skies
could be granted by the
lonely stars

Lonely stars admired by many
but inspired by more
The audience came back
like the tamed feline
Demanding its freedom
but the truth lies

The truth lies exactly where
the heart is to the mind
filled with endless possibilities
that maybe this slumber activates
just as my dream falters

lilyy

Will you let me
take enough control of
the situation to say
"what did you do tomorrow?"
with that
will you look me in the eyes
&tell me you don't understand that?
We both know that
the truth lies in yuor voice
For the answers in mine
& why don't you respond
to how I feel?
Could your ambitions
or maybe your secrets
or what if its the hidden passion
you fake...
your recent confessions
have led me to believe
that adolescent love doesn't exist.

lilyy

The lines ride
to the sides
gliding from and by

What was the consequence
of the light touching
the moon?

Could the reflection
of reality still
effect my dream?

The importance of it all
spins in a cycle
threatening lively souls

you-ing and i-ing
what is?
you as i and i as you

lilyy

Coming to you with a heavy heart
and a broken state of mind
On my knees
crying my heart out
shedding overdue tears
Never fully understanding
that
you're love
is
more

lilyy

Looking at the many words
You created
Thinking of the many words
you gave me
Speaking of the many words
in prayer

lilyy

Those soft brown eyes
looking intently into mines
This moment couldn't of waited
for Cupid's love lullaby

Your thoughts and feelings
spill into those bright brown eyes
Misguided faults and the sad truth
being diagnosed with white lies

Could those beautiful brown eyes
ever shed one little tear
For more than tomorrow's relationship
or do they hide behind the fear

To have all of your love
hide behind innocent lies
My heart doesn't learn
from those phenomenal brown eyes

lilyy

It's true that when I stood by you
My heart flew blazing in the sky
It's true that when I hugged you
My knees buckled to keep their strength
It's true that when you looked at me
I lost all feeling in my body
It's also true that when I stood by you
My heart sank to the deepest of darkest oceans
It's also true that when I hugged you
I didn't feel the strength in your heart
It's also true that when you looked at me
I lost my confidence to your clueless eyes

lilyy

Small shadows dancing to
the summer breeze
Small feet curling to the soul
of the heat
Small trees reaching to take a whiff
of the twinkling stars' scent
Small windows displayed openly to
the observing world
A small flower breathing all
the love for life of emotion

lilyy

Melting in the summer heat
Drifting into vibes of serene sensations
Untouched lyrics play in my mind
As I dream about the people
I care about most
I gaze through the shaded windows
And watch an old couple
walk down the street
holding hands
Their love is hidden by the darkness of the night
The streetlight creates shadows
in this quiet room
And as the shadows boldly
state their recognition to
existence
The objects slowly fade ..away

lilyy

Waiting at the corner
Trying to hide the scars
Walking down aimlessly
Holding back the tears

The light goes out
Falling with no security
No one provides safety
Into the midst of solitude

Echoing calls linger in my mind
Never knowing what's real or not
The night goes on
The one thing hat never skips a beat

lilyy

Whisper in my ear
& tell me you love me
Hold my waist close to yours
& never let me go
Tickle my nose
& catch my tongue with yours
Hold my hand
& count the wrinkles in my knuckles
Make me laugh with your never ending jokes
& toss my hair the way you like it
Your satisfaction is my pleasure
So look me in the eyes
& tell me you want forever
..always

lilyy

Closing in the doors
That led me to you
Returning to that place of discomfort
Heaven didn't send me to you
I did.
Doing what I thought I needed
Realizing it was more than what I wanted
And all I ever wanted was to be with you
I never really got that satisfaction
And I tried making it my own
Instead I fell asleep with my lullaby playing
in your memory
Never really waking up
Because in my dreams you're not perfect
and I'm not perfect
But together we're perfect
In reality you're too perfect
Setting an uneven balance between us
We don't work
Because I try while you stand by
There's no "i" in together
But to be together you have "to-get-her"

lilyy

The purpose of finding
Something we give to the world
So freely
Something we play with and disguise
To hide a deeper meaning
Restore the purity
I once used to feel in having emotions
I look at what we make ourselves believe
To have what we truly want
Being true is a factor
A factor we overlook
The facts don't add up
Because this isn't living.!.

lilyy

If I was ready to give
Then I'd give away
If I could tell you what was really
on my mind
You'd get a novel
But the window is closed
And the draft stays put
So here I sit
At the corner of my mind
Willing to do nothing
Needing to do everything
Tell me what I want
Give me what I need
I stand and face the facts
I fight for what I want
and I die for what i need
I want to be with you
But I need to walk away

lilyy

A senseless thought
May lead to a senseless action
Which causes reactions that were senseless
To a point of time flying senselessly
Which leaves you so cold
..and senseless

lilyy

Shaded and colored
Define my thoughts
Dissect my eyes
and tell me what I see
To find the perfect word
So my explanation could be complete
But the words I put together
are never satisfying
..to you
because of my shades and colors

lilyy

Let me out
& let me in
Let me breathe
& let me suffocate
Let me..
Be me
Be you

lilyy

Gone without a word
Deluding outside remarks
Remaining in the center
of the process
Satisfying to anybody
But yourself
Erasing the burdens
from memories
Panic rises to the surface
As if to say
..your screwed.?.
Green sweaters
warm and soft
Alone for a moment
And displayed publicly
for the moment
Second guesses
were probably there
for a reason..

lilyy

The curtain falls over the window.
The shades are down.
The moonlight is hidden
in my pocket.
A drifting vibe
that was never found
hovers between
the spaces that
were ignored.
A candle is lit
and the shadow
crawls to the deep corners
filled with dust and cobwebs.
A distinct smell
floats under my nose.
When I turn away
That feeling I could never describe,
an itch I couldn't scratch,
a love you forgot..
beside the door.

lilyy

Holding on to the pieces
Of what keeps me alive
Trying to find the strength
So that I'll discover the balance
I've been seeking so long..
Hearing the clocks tick away
Afraid to move forward
Letting go of the past
But never letting go of me
And still the guilt
Stalks my shadow
A feeling that never
decreases in any shape or form

lilyy

Living in a fantasy
Blaming the innocent
Ignoring reality
Thanking society

Trusting everyone & nothing
Believing in the Bible
Distrusting everything & no one
Little faith in the Bible

Looking for everything
Trying to try
Finding nothing
Giving up on giving up

lilyy

I lack his warmth
His touch I need
A kiss of liberation
Can also lead to death without it

A feeling strongly
being avoided
But noticed in every aspect
Every thought, breath, and blink
Should I just die?

Never missing someone
So badly before
He'll never know exactly
How I wait for him
Just to smile because he's there
To tear alone in silence
At the thought of the last time
He hugged me
No he'll never know
Because when I'm with him
I forget it all
I hear his voice
And I know why...

lilyy

Looking for a place
A place of understanding
To be who I want to be
With no worries

Finding someone
To share life with
To see it from different perspectives
With no worries

Changing addresses of disguises
Singing a door open
To find a certain freedom
With no worries

To be everything you never wanted me to be
Yet still having all your love
To keep me warm a night
With no worries

lilyy

Singing the lullaby
of you and me
Finding a beat for words
A place for you to be

Dreams I wish I could give you
Like a scent you'll always remember
Giving me all your love
Like a flame in mid December

Wrapping your arms around me
Gripping and holding my waist
Ignoring the lust in your eyes
A sin I don't need to taste

Sing me our lullaby
The sound of music
Notes in your heart
Hoping you'll never lose it

Melodies dancing in our souls
2 bodies
1 song, heart, & night

lilyy

Looking for words to say
Not just "I love you."
But exactly how I feel
The right letters
Put together to make
the right word,
the right phrase..

Somehow, possibly
Also making sense
In a realm of
Not confusion
But mystery, hope,
and love..

Somewhere in between
the words somehow subside
They don't really matter
Finding ways to express myself
So you would know
Know exactly how much I love you
So that maybe..
Hopefully...
You love me
...the same

thE W0Rks

Monday, December 15

Saturday, November 22

Sunday, November 16

Saturday, November 15

Tuesday, November 11

Friday, November 7

Friday, October 24

Friday, October 17

Sunday, October 12

Saturday, September 27

Thursday, September 25

Sunday, September 21

Tuesday, July 22

Monday, July 21

A fEW N0tEs