Sand'doom

Sitting in the castle
gazing out the window
at the endless sea
counting the steps
it takes for you
to come to me

Will you sit down
beside my tender body
and look into my eyes?
Countless times
i"ve waited
For the moment
of you and I
to be here
Sitting with each other
staring at the same sky

The moon reflects
my steady pupils
with your apathetic eyes

Free From Dangerous Thoughts [ 10.20.08]

My thoughts tire ..
            and they fall..
  
                         .. to sleep
              .. and they sit there
     ..and wait
for coffee..
         wait for something new ..
  
                               .. for it to be alive
 
                        ..not ugly
             .. not unkind
      ..not disturbing
..just plain
and simple ..
.. creating friction
           .. between
.. ignorance
.. but always coming back to ..
   
                         bliss

Confused [10.30.08]

I want

many things & many more

but I swallow my desires

and make the best of

life

is more than what it seems

looking for deeper meanings

to extract the truth

to make

sense of things

but as I get closer to the truth

nothing ever really makes

sense

.. to me

Guess the Direction of Which My Heart Goes [11.10.08]

Stained pavements
leading down the hill
Construction
on one end
and
the other
Thoughts of falling back
to take the
high road
or
no road
Signs of directions
remain false for fault of the wind
However
an internal compass
takes hold
and my forgotten instincts
become alive again
& my soul
no longer
wanders aimlessly
through the street
For these
stained pavements
remain in the winter
and
this winter
remains in my heart
and
my heart
remains slowly on the
stained pavement ..

Blood Knot [11.11.08]

seeking something i know not what
and trying to leave i know not what
behind ..

Cause' i'm spinnig in circles trying to understand all
this
and i climb for freedom
i'm climbing towards something
that has no substance ...
and i'm trusting God that he'll lead me
that he'll hold me
when i fall ..
but the only person who will look at me
when i have dirt on my face
is the one i hide from

in medical terms ..
i'm sick ..
sick of the hatred
a small hole that eats at my heart .
all the lies , broken promises , and hate
combine into a knot
and it rests in my heart
and every time my heart beats
and beats
and beats
this knot grows
and grows
and grows
and it flows through veins
and pumps through my blood stream
until i'm shriveled up into
this ball of knots
or will the day come
that i will just explode?

what if i end the growing
of this anxiety
because i am dead
with this "thing" alive inside in me
and it'll just mean that
i won't have to reveal the truth by
myself ..

maybe if i just turn away
so that your faces aren't
in my presence
if i just twinge and
hide away
this knot will fade ..

what if i could
rip my body apart
and reveal the true blood
that circles in me
the blood you gave me ..

i think if i just
pretend
if i just forget that
nothing actually happened
and if i plaster this face on
say words that just please you
and if i smile and laugh
to the point where i am high off of this drugg
called misconception

or i could just scream every single thought
and call it poison ..
treason
crime
and beauty
so lovely
cause the truth is what you wanted
or was it what i wanted
cause this started out about me
and it ended up to you ..

this knot that you control ..

why ..

seeking something i know not what
and trying to leave i know not what
behind ..
i leave behind something i know not what
at the price of hiding this knot ..
and i seek something i know not what for strength to reveal this knot .

My Hallways [11.6.08]

In my hallways
there are always
points ..
of which ways I'll go
and those you follow
Cause you see
my class is here
but yours is there
and you follow me
here
and I walk with you
there
and the classes
we were meant to be in
remain ..
to be
the same ..
In my hallways
there are always
whispers and glares
and talk of going
all .. the .. way ..
but to what?
Satisfaction that's only
temporary
a story of a guy
who lets her carry
the weight of
anxiety, depression, and
denied love to an
unborn child
who grows up to be
twenty fcukin years old
with thought so meek & mild
In my hallways
there are always
papers and books
textbooks and pencils
fliers on the wall
that all say
things I have to do
places I need to go
.. only points that are not
of my belonging .
Cause' I remain Here
and you stay everywhere .
But no matter what
I run these
hallways
and my thoughts are
always
of me going all .. the .. way ..
.. to the end .

Stars After Midnight [10.26.08]

Stepping out of
my room
wearily walking
to the kitchen
I grab a carton
of milk
and a piece of pizza
because everything tastes better
after midnight
and I step outside
I sit on the steps
and I stare
at the sky
One star shines above
none
But only do I realize
It's a satellite
Where are my stars?

Skipping Stones [10.26.08]

A rock tossed
into a pond
manipulating
(( currents &
.. waves ))
A stone thrown
into the pond
creating
+ pulses &
.. beats +

Uhm .. not really .[11.05.08]

I thought I heard you calling
I was so confused
Cause' you weren't calling
me by my name
And you thought while I was
stalling
You were so confused
Cause' the game you thought
we were playing weren't
the same ..

Love, Poverty, & Lies [11.2.08]

I saw true love die today ..
I saw it burn to death
over the course of time ..
I watched it suffocate
& cry & plead for help
But I sat there
and just watched
the smoke now fills
my lungs
I'm intoxicated
with love
And I just sat there
and watched ..
Did I try to help.?.
No .
Dollar here ..
.. dollar there
Dollar everywhere ..
Burned .
As true love died
The scent of burnt money
rises in the air
the ashes fill my lungs
I'm intoxicated with the poverty
And I just sat there
and watched ..
I sat there
and watched .
Someone called my name
from the corner
I heard it from the corner ..
However the voice was coming
from the center of the ceiling
but I heard it from the corner
And I sat there
and let the voice fill my lungs
I'm intoxicated with the lies ..
And I just sat there
and watched .
I sat there
and watched .
My face
dark from the ash & smoke
My ears ringing from the sound
My body numb from sitting
so long ..
I hold my breath and count
the seconds until I forget
that I saw
true love die today
I saw ..
true love ..
die ..
today ..